Dear Open Letter Writers,
I had several nominees in mind to lash out at before writing
this. Because let’s face it, I am also a publicity hungry, desperate, attention-seeking monger, just like you guys, so obviously the first step to fame (lol!) would
be to criticise some particular people or a group or the society in general.
Anyway, I was specifically perturbed with a few things on the internet,
especially concerning the social media. Ok, I know that my opinion doesn't count, but I’m a global
citizen having a voice of my own, so you do not have the right to judge me (insert
random buffoonery about me having a unique identity, or an individual trying to
bring small changes to the society, l@#$@ lehsun(official hindi word for
blah blah blah*). Also, conveniently forget that I am judging others too).
Moving on, the very obvious contenders were as follows:
1. Selfies:
I hate them. Period. And no, I am not one of those uncle type gyaan-givers who think
that it is cool to be different than the crowd. Firstly, I’m not against the
concept. After all, what’s the harm in clicking one’s own photograph? They’re
just another version of the father clicking a family photograph with his reel-wala camera with a 10 second
auto-timer so he could come back to be in the photograph just in time. My problem
lies with the name. Why on earth do simple things have to be named so cheezily
despite so many places facing dairy shortage? It proves that people will lap up
anything. Just anything at all. My hatred towards it lies right up there with
‘mah lyf mah rulzzz’, ‘kewl’, ‘OMG’, ‘okayzz’, ‘k’, ‘\m/’, ‘darn it bro, WTF’
and my personal favourite, ‘i wOk iN d rAin sO daT i cN hYd mAh tEarZzzz’.
But the rage and the buzz this word has generated is so overwhelmingly
strong that I now feel like an idiot for pointing it out. The fact that so many
people are addicted to it makes me realise now that indeed there’s some wiring
issue with my cerebrum. In fact, the level of embarrassment was too much to
cope up with when a few days ago my mother asked me to send her a selfie so
that she could make a family collage for a certain ‘family group’ on Whatsapp
and while I was awkwardly trying to take one, my dad hit on my head and said, “Gadhe!!! Front Camera se li jaati hai!!
Phone ulta karo. Achcha haan tumhare wale me to hai hi nahi. Mere wale se kar
lo”.
/*My reactions included shock and bewilderment, followed by
an instant urge to drown in KRK Ji’s jaundice-laden urine*/
2. 10 books I like the most/ 10 movies I've watched/
10 Fav Football players/ 10 fav Chinese Diwali light companies / 10 fav Honey Singh tracks.........
This spread faster than HIV because people are too free.
More free than those who want you to forward ‘Om Namah Shivay’ to 108 of your
contacts for good fortune. Life is too long. Why to utilise every minute and do
something productive? Why not initiate riots or write unnecessary blogs like these?
Anyhow, given the craze, I will mention the top
3 of the only worthwhile list I came across.
My 10 favourite dialogues from the movie Xpose:
- Tumhare Shareer me itna khoon nahi hoga jitna Ravi Kumar ek baar me moot deta hai.
- Ravi Kumar langot ka bohot pakka hai. Wo bistar me neend ke alawa aur kuch nahi leta.
- Raja ka beta bhale hi nanga paida ho, par rehta wo Rajkumar hi hai.
I know that at this point you want to see me hanged, but the
peaks of irritation that this activity had single-handedly imparted on a few
souls was unforgivable. But, I let this pass as well.
3. 15 reasons to like your city/ 20 reasons that
you are single/ 25 reasons to wash your child’s nappies/ 30 reasons to watch
the next season of Big Boss....And it goes onnnnnnnnnn.....
This was fun when it started initially. Good writers gave
effective reasons for some genuine events which filled the air with adequate
nostalgia. And then it became a norm for just anyone or everyone to post unapologetically
repetitive, cumbersome and irritating stuff. The basic problem with these posts
is their nature of repetition. They are tirelessly obvious and repeatedly stretched.
One can easily get irritated on reading these as it looks as if though the
repeat mode is on. The repeatability is downright outrageous and insensitively
unrepeatable. JUST LIKE THIS.
4. Online Petitions:
Well they’ve at least become endangered, just like Winamp and Parle Poppins.
But these were the stupidest of the lot. And it fooled many a people into
believing that clicking on a share button on a petition or voting will actually
enable regulations to be passed and their voices will be heard.
All of these were competent enough and were giving each
other a tough fight. But in the end, there were comfortably edged out by none
other than –
5. Open
Letters: Which brings me to you guys (since I’m also writing one, it brings
me to myself too). The nail in the coffin was a letter title I saw a couple
of days back. I kid you not, it goes like this – An Open Letter to the Open
Letter to Shehnaz Treasurywala’s Open Letter to eminent personalities.
The hour is not far when some concerned
‘nationalist’ or ‘socially aware citizen’ will write an open letter to the
Talibanis ‘condemning’ their moves and ‘explaining’ to them how they have violated
humanity. Because it’s perfectly acceptable to expect the terrorists to reply
to such humane pleas, such as, ‘We’re so sorry; we did not know that doing such
acts in the name of religion is wrong. We will not do it again, Mother Promise.
Please don’t tell our parents’.
I’m not being insensitive or anything. But
the fact that when concerned journalism becomes a PR strategy or applause expectancy
is involved, the severity and the gravity of the issue get diminished.
I just have one request. Kindly do not abuse
and misuse the social media just because it has been abused and misused before.
Just like your Android touch screen when you play Fruit Ninja. Or Women.
Meanwhile, let me take a selfie with this open letter and
file an online petition against some community which gives 20 reasons for
brushing my teeth in the morning along with preparing a list of 10 people I’d
like to kill within the next 2 hours.
Regards,
A ‘Behadd Khaali’ Person
*Kindly do NOT ask what l@#$@ stands for. Especially
Parents, Relatives and other elders. I know that you know. Perhaps this is the
right time to get back at you with your favourite dialogue, “Beta! Humne bhi school
aur college me padhai ki hai”. Also, I’m too shy to say these things publicly.
Awwww... xoxo.
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