Today, I did the ultimate crime for
which this world might never forgive me. I finally watched PK....ON MY LAPTOP
AND NOT INSIDE A THEATRE. And this is after I have managed to watch Gunday, Tees
Maar Khan, Aap Ki Khatir, and Karzzzzzz
in multiplexes.......SORRY.......Wait... I said I’m sorry... I can explain...
It’s not what you think....Please let me..... *Kaboom* *Dhishum* *Crucio*...
__________________________________________________________
Now typing from the hospital bed. What else could have I
done? By the time I returned from a vacation, my parents, brother, cousins,
friends, FB mutual friends, enemies, teachers, hostel-mates, the rat living
under my bed, the ants outside my door... Everyone had already seen the movie
and no one was willing to go for a second watch. Perhaps the only option was to
invite PK himself or Jaadu because apparently, the movie could not be released
in their planets due to Aamir’s distribution network still not being that
perfect. But Alas! I didn’t even have his locket. Hence, the offense. Also, I had
to compensate for my Dhoom-3 money.
*Final punch
from the nurse...OW*
Anyway, let me get back to my
worthless and useless opinion about the movie. Nothing matters and of course
shouldn’t matter when something has already grossed ₹ 600cr worldwide and
everyone from the actors to the spotboys (Ok! Not the spotboys) are swimming in
the cesspool of money.
The movie starts off with a
typical Hirani cliché, where a sidelined narrator (Anushka here, Madhavan you
know where) describes Aamir Khan’s character and entry. It then moves on to the
weirdest and the most hurried chemistry between a lead pair ever, which terminates
faster than terminator (Ekdumahi LULL
joke tha ee to). It then goes on to prove that two people in the same world
can have the same independent original idea at not so distant time intervals (In other news, plagiarists and Pritam heave
a sigh of relief; Annu Malik says Are Baba Are Baba from Auzaar was an original
composition). The only difference here was, that like most good movies, OMG
was sidelined even after releasing earlier because of a lesser popular star
cast (read: Not Aamir Khan).
Let us come to the more
interesting topic now. The Protests. I am a student of Statistics (my marks
might continuously laugh at this statement but I keep convincing myself
otherwise). So let us talk numbers and proportions. Percentage of Hindus in
India? 80. Percentage of the film focusing on Hindu ceremonies and
superstitions? 80. Maybe you’ll get the gist now. They made PK enter a mosque
with wine in his hand. Christianity conversion was condemned. Terrorists
conveniently bombed a train in the name of religion. The ‘Haye Hassan hum na hue’ Moharram practice was criticised. Other
religions were more or less ignored as they generally are (A Parsi is a
‘dheekra wala’ language na?). Ab kya Alien ki jaan
loge?
But after writing this, I asked
myself, isn’t all this very obvious? Why would anyone in their right mind get
offended at such petty things, when they have been shown before as well?
Unless......Unless...... (*devilish smile activated*)..... the people involved
with the movie benefitted from all this and deliberately..... *hush hush hush*
Now, I’m not implying that all this might have happened or
generally happens in situations like these...... But let us assume for the sake
of a little political incorrectness that it did happen.... So let us break up
the money for every ticket purchased.
The pattern would in fact be pretty much the same as all the other ‘controversial’ movies. One
person gets ₹50 for getting his sentiments hurt publicly. The other one gets ₹ 50 for opposing him publicly and urging people to watch it. The audience
member pays ₹ 500 for the ticket. Rest of the money is distributed in different
pockets. Paresh Rawal silently cries at home seeing only ₹ 20 in his wallet even
after starring in a much superior film. Almost everyone laughs off his/her way
to the bank.
Coming back to the film now, the
fact that everyone noticed but hardly anyone has reported that this is
actually Rajkumar Hirani’s worst film to date. It is another matter that it was
better than most of the other idiocies round the year. But Mr. Hirani has a
standard. That’s just like saying that the Australian cricket team of 1999 was
worse than the one in 2003 or 2007, even though all three won the World Cup. It
was strictly a one-time watch unlike his previous movies.
As far as the acting department
is concerned, Aamir Khan is really good yet again but him surprising in every other movie of his has actually
become kind of boring now. Perhaps he should do a regular movie which is not Dhoom.
That might surprise the audience. Anushka, as my cousin very aptly described,
looked like Bulbasaur from the Pokemon franchise and is rapidly going downhill
now. Sushant Singh Rajput had nothing to do and Parikshit Sahni was one frame
away from saying ‘Ja beti! Jee le apni
zindagi’. The biggest disappointment and casualty of this movie was Saurabh
Shukla, who despite being a very good actor, should be compared to Mithunda
from OMG who was light years ahead in terms of acting and the pragmatism of the
character. The only relief was perhaps finally seeing Boman Irani in a positive
role in a Hirani movie. He’d have been relieved too....till he realised that it
was a nothing role. After all, you either play a timeless, legendary antagonist
or you play a good guy and get so sidelined that people might forget that you
were Dr. Asthana, Lucky Singh and Veeru Sahastrabuddhe. But what was really
disheartening to see was a certain Sanjay Dutt performing better in his 5 min
role than all the others combined. His expressions in the scene where he lifts
up his shoe to beat up the locket thief show that he is at his best when he is
in Hirani’s expert hands.
Raj Kumar Hirani with his 4 films
has created two major characters. A flawed Munnabhai with a heart of gold, and
a better than perfect Aamir Khan. People adore the former, and find it
difficult to digest the latter. With all respect to Aamir (which had decreased
a lot after his seeing him tap dance in Dhoom-3), just imagine what the quality
of this movie would have been, had this subject been handled by Munnabhai and
Circuit. Oh! Hirani Sir, please start making another Munnabhai as soon as Mr.
Dutt is released. Rest assured, you can earn the Rs. 600 crores on your own
merit. Maybe the spotboys will get some share of the profits this time.
P.S. - I would've mentioned the unnecessary amount of songs, but since I had the liberty of forwarding them, I'll pass.
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